


The Doctor is In; or, A Rowdy Guy from the City is Alive for Now

by branewurms



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Crack, F/F, F/M, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Multi, Other, Threesome, botnik fic, exposed spicy honey, look what do you even tag something like this, making words suggestive which were never meant to be suggestive, shitpost, sort of?!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-10-16 00:03:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17538866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/branewurms/pseuds/branewurms
Summary: Spicy Arcana: buuut you will never make out with your cardsI forced a bot to play over 100 hours of Arcana*, and then asked it to write a chapter of its own. This horny nonsense is what it came up with. Enjoy yanking on Julian’s birthday spot. 👀💦(*a lie. I did not do this. I used a botnik keyboard.)





	The Doctor is In; or, A Rowdy Guy from the City is Alive for Now

**Author's Note:**

> like everyone else on the i-forced-a-bot train, i used a custom botnik keyboard to compose this. i trained it on the transcript provided by @thatsnotbeautiful on tumblr.
> 
> bots are pretty horny apparently. enjoy this horny nonsense
> 
> ヽ(；▽；)

**The Doctor Is In:**

**A Rowdy Guy from the City Is Alive for Now.**

—

_Background: magic shop_

My heart thrills when I see Julian. I skip straight into his arms.

 **Julian** : Oh! Welcome to my chest!

I take Doctor Devorak against the wall, and I shall dine on him. Licking the doctor, I notice that I’m a little into my husband.

 **Apprentice** : I shall take care of you.

 **Julian** : Ahh … you can handle my undoing. I will offer my lips and other fruit.

 **Apprentice** : Well then, if you wish, I can devise another punishment to make you have a strange ache in my room.

 **Julian** : Ah ha, well then, I will fall upon your feet.

—

_Background: bedroom, of course_

Julian bounces around with avid interest and ducks into my irresistible grip. He offers me a hesitant smile.

 **Apprentice** : You may remove my old clothes and then my intention will be seen.

 **Julian** : Oh, I suppose I feel your purposeful hand cradling my weighty … … Have you ever forgotten how to make sense?

Before he begs, I feel myself yanking on his birthday spot.

 **Apprentice** : You look like a harbinger of a massive organ.

 **Julian** : Oh … that … is already pleased to see you.

Asra clears his throat from the door. Julian shrinks to a halt.

 **Julian** : Ahh … My old nightmare, of course.

 **Apprentice** : How embarrassing!

Asra merely shrugs with wisdom and glitter, a vague smile tugging at his lips. My heart stutters. His teasing mood makes me grow hot.

 **Apprentice** : But I _am_ thirsty for some hocus pocus.

The doctor grimaces.

 **Julian** : I’m thirsty for it too.

Asra offers a little mischief. He slides into the room with a knowing look. I nod slowly as I look to see what I can get away with, and he stiffens with rapt interest.

With curiosity, the doctor slides his hand over his ample chest.

Asra looks pretty amused.

 **Asra** : … I will remember your trespasses.

 **Julian** : Well excuuuuse my face.

 **Asra** : Unfortunately I might just like this game.

 **Julian** : Ah … oh. Well then. I will ask you to play.

 **Asra** : Nothing good will come of this. But I admit I want everyone in the room.

 **Julian** : Ahh, ahem, ha, well then, if Asra can perform alchemical art in my lap, I suppose my dreams of Asra’s thing in my palm will be served.

Asra is upon the doctor in a flash.

 **Asra** : Well, I’m opening the doctor for you.

 **Julian** : My poor thing is already unrolling from my ruined clothes.

—

... _Meanwhile_ …

—

_Background: palace baths_

Nadia exists.

 **Portia** : Oh my god.

 **Nadia** : Yes, I am.

 **Portia** : Ah, my heart has fallen for her ladyship!

Nadia wants to give gifts to her, and Portia giggles and swells with excitement. Glittering rubies drop to her shoulders.

 **Portia** : Milady, you may possess my adoring lips!

 **Nadia** : Ah, Portia, you are my lucky little cucumber. I will spread you on the veranda and whisper your name.

Portia appears to be enchanted by the countess and her eyes light up with wonder. Swimming with elegant mischief, the countess looks pleased that Portia is gleaming with blazing desire.

Portia giggles under her imperious gaze. Nadia’s fingers dance over her, and Portia quivers.

 **Portia** : Ah yes, you’re the countess of my heart!

 **Nadia** : Portia, I would like to enjoy your exposed spicy honey at once.

 **Portia** : Oh, yes, milady!

—

_~fade to black~_

**Author's Note:**

> I’M. SORRY??????


End file.
